No Time For My Marriage

Peter Dubbelman
Family Life Pastor

Life can be very busy, especially for parents. So busy, in fact, that we don’t do what is helpful for the most important things in our life: our relationship with the Lord and our family. When facing the demands of employment or being a parent, don’t do it at the expense of your marriage! Below are several strategies to avoid doing this.

1. Coming this January our Married and More (M&M) ministry will have six constructive suggestions within the context of ABC to help you work on your marriage in 2010. We’ll have the information distributed via a flier at our first two Sunday worship services in January.

2. Are you praying together and communicating with one another? Schedule time to be alone together each day in order to catch up on each others’ feelings, experiences, and thoughts, even if this means a phone call while driving home to meet your spouse and kids. My wife and I pray daily together around the meals and at bed time. We also take one day out of the week for an extended time of prayer. Communication is one of the keys to having a great relationship, whether it is with our Lord or your spouse.

3. Spend time together as a family. When babies arrive, they come into the family with a lot of needs; resultantly, couples have less conversation, flexibility, opportunities for romance, and money. Therefore, children, which are a product of spousal love, can actually bring into the family a dynamic that may put adverse pressure on the very relationship that brought them into being. You must actively work at this not happening. In a kind way, let your kids know that the dynamics of parenting will not split your marriage apart. Your spouse was there before kids, and they will hopefully be there after they leave the nest. You can also enjoy some great moments as an entire family by doing things together like family walks, shopping outings, or games. Or, as a couple, take on some of kid responsibilities like bathing or bed time stories.

4. Create private moments. You still need some time without the kids. Working on any relationship takes privacy as well as time. When our kids were in the home, my wife and I went out of our way to plan a date night, put the kids in bed early, …. All so we could have time together. In addition to your private moments, combine working around the house with working on your relationship. Don’t always divide up the chores, sometimes do them together. Just being in the same room or working towards a common goal can foster a feeling of closeness.

If I can ever help you with your marriage, please don’t hesitate to contact me!