Happy Marriage

Alex Cosio
Pastor of Hispanic Ministries

It has been some time since Diana and Fred said their wedding vows and began their life as a married couple. Their marriage has gone through difficult times because of Fred's exploding character and the emotional and sometimes physical abuse of both. Diana has looked for help with a pastor but Fred has rejected the help and does not accept responsibility in the conflict. It seems like any attempts to reconcile is not working. Can they be happy some day?

These are fictitious characters but reflect what many of us go
through in our own marriages. For some the solution is separation and/or divorce. Some others remain together for the wrong reasons but live miserably.

What is the secret for a happy marriage? The Lord Jesus Christ
in the gospel of Matthew 7:24-27 in the conclusion of the Sermon on the Mount tells a wonderful illustration that has transformed millions of people for two thousand years. Whoever hears his Word and puts them to practice, is like a man who builds his house upon the rock. When the winds blow and the rain come and the rivers run and hit with might against the house, it will stand because is foundation is the Rock. But whoever hears his Word and does not put them to practice is like a fool who builds his house upon the sand. When the winds blow and the rain come and the rivers run and hit with might against the house it will come down and its ruin will be great.

Build your house, your life, your marriage, your family on the Rock. We all have setbacks and difficulties, the difference is whether you put the Word of God into practice in your own life or not. May God bless you and your marriage and your family!

Ten Tips to Remember when in a Conflict

Peter Dubbelman
Family Life Pastor


1. Focus on where you need to improve rather than on your spouse’s failures. But don’t follow up such thoughts with a criticism; e.g., “I know I could be better about telling you when I am coming home late, but you could also . . .”

2. Dwell on what is good about your relationship and your spouse not visa versa.

3. Stop the fight and escalating tension, until you can constructively communicate.

4. Don’t demand to be heard. Instead, be quick to listen.

5. Select an appropriate time and place to work out your present conflict. A public setting might keep emotions in place.

6. Avoid using words like “always” and “never;” e.g., “You are “always” late.”

7. Use “I” confessions instead of you accusations; e.g., “I sometimes feel ignored, when you do . . .” will go over a lot better than “You never pay attention to me.”

8. Be quick to admit your fault in the present dynamic but not in an explanatory way; e.g., say, “I’m really sorry that I did . . .” instead of saying, “I’m really sorry that I did … but I only did so because you did . . .”

9. Instead of waiting for your spouse to express their sorrow over the hurt their wrong behavior has caused you, take the lead in doing so.

10. Be aware of what is really at the root of the issue and speak these thoughts with care; e.g., don’t say “I hate football,” if what you really mean is “I value your company and companionship; I wish we could spend more time together on Saturday afternoons. How about I watch one game with you and instead of you watching a second game we do . . .”

If your relationship has crumbled to pieces, you, all by yourself, can play a major part in seeing God miraculously restore it. Read The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. You marriage really is the most important thing you will do outside of your relationship with God. If my wife or I can ever be of ANY help to your marriage, please contact me: peter@apexbaptist.org.

Are You Really Thirsty?

Tim Shaw
Pastor of Adult Education

“On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’ ” Now this he said about the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were to receive… John 7:37-39a (ESV)

I enjoy yard work. Or perhaps more accurately, I enjoy mowing. There is something about pushing the mower back and forth and seeing the straight lines that are formed with each pass and the sweet aroma of freshly cut grass. However, when it is one of those hot, humid, North Carolina summer days, I lose some of that delight to exhaustion and thirst. That thirst can only be quenched by cold water and it often has to be quenched more than once for me to be able to finish the job.

You know you can compare that level of thirst with being filled with the Spirit. In fact, Spirit fullness begins with a thirst. Along with obeying we must desire to be filled and then allow the filling. Jesus said in John 7:37, “If any man thirst, let him come to me and drink.” Here are two prerequisites for the filling of the Holy Spirit – thirst and drink. Thirst suggests desire, and drinking suggests obedience and trust, in that if we drink, He will quench our thirst.

Included in this desire to be filled with the Holy Spirit must be our wanting God to judge and put away sin in our lives. We must desire to be separated unto the Lord from the world and its evil system. We must regard ourselves dead to sin and alive to God. This is true not only in our position in Christ, but also in our spiritual life as we yield to the Holy Spirit’s control.

We must also desire the fruit of the Spirit in our lives. Do we want, no, do we thirst for, love, joy, peace and the other evidences of the Spirit’s life in us? Do we long to put Christ on the throne?

Thirst should cause us to drink, and in drinking we are trusting. In the words of our Savior, “Out of our being shall flow rivers of living water.” (v38) We not only trust Christ to save us from sin, but we also trust Him to fill us with the Spirit. This particular phase of believing, or trusting, in Christ should be a continuous attitude of trusting, of committing ourselves to the Lord in order to be controlled by the Holy Spirit.

So, next time your physical body thirsts and you burn to have it quenched, ask yourself, “Do I desire and burn to be filled with the Spirit as badly as I desire to have a drink of water?”

And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit.” Eph 5:18

Walking With God or Going Out Just Like Enoch!

Nathan Stam
Children/Communications Pastor

Enoch is one of those men that you don’t read about much in Scripture, but what a testimony he left behind! He’s only mentioned three times (a total of 8 verses), but one of those times is in the Heroes of Faith chapter in Hebrews. Hebrews 11:5 reads:

By faith, Enoch was taken away so that he did not experience death, and he was not to be found because God took him away. For prior to his transformation he was approved, having pleased God.

This verse is referring to the account of Enoch’s life found in Genesis 5:21-24:

Enoch was 65 years old when he fathered Methusaleh. And after the birth of Methusaleh, Enoch walked with God 300 years and fathered sons and daughters. So Enoch’s life lasted 365 years. Enoch walked with God, and he was not there, because God took him.

What a way to leave this earth! One day he was not there, because God took him! It reminds me of Elijah and that old Rich Mullins’ song: “When I die I want to go out like Elijah/With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire.”

It’s mentioned twice in the Genesis passage that Enoch “walked with God.” The same word translated “walk” can also mean “well-pleasing”, so in essence Enoch’s relationship with God was one that pleased God and brought him honor.

That’s a challenge for us today, isn’t it? Can we live each day keeping in step with the Spirit and glorifying the Lord in everything that we do, say, feel, desire and love? I think it’s not easy, but possible, when we live a life filled with the love of Jesus and surrendered to the will of God.

Like Enoch, let us seek to please God and to walk with Him all the days of our lives!

Quiet Desperation

Nathan Stam
Childen/Communications Pastor

One of my favorite quotes is from Henry David Thoreau. He once wrote: “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” When I think about my life and my future this is quite the sobering thought—that I could waste my life striving after things that don’t really matter and not living the way God meant for me to live!

How easy is it, especially in our culture, to settle into a comfort zone and then be unable to break free? Ruts wait for us at every turn of our lives and they’re easy to get into and seemingly impossible to get out of. Half the time we don’t even realize that we’ve fallen into one. As some of our favorite rockers from Ohio once sang, “I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake.”

How about instead of living lives of quiet desperation we lead lives of outrageously loud obedience to Christ? Would that change the way we do our jobs, relate to our co-workers, treat our spouses, love our neighbors, and raise our children? Would it change our priorities in life at all? Instead of living for the weekend, or vacation, or the next gadget we could live to see Jesus speak through us in all of our relationships? What an adventure that would be!

Let’s shake off this complacency together and burn out bright for God. Let our lives not be characterized by quiet desperation and regrets for what we could have been, but instead let us be known as men and women who follow hard after God and who lived our lives as a hymn to Christ!

Are you with me?

Think Orange

Peter Dubbelman
Family Life/Administrative Pastor

The below two scriptures provide excellent lenses from which to view what God wants from parents.

Praise the LORD. Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands. His children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed (Psa 112:1-2)

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up (Deut 6:6-7)

Did you notice the four sections found in Deut 6:6-7: sitting at home, walking along the road, bed time, and morning time? The purpose of each one of the below items is to give ideas on how a parent can build faith in the home:

• Meal Time: when you sit at home, teach core values. Sit down as a family and regularly eat a meal. Use this time to listen, talk, and create family unity.

• Drive Time: wherever you are going (to school, work, etc.) and however you are doing it (car, feet, etc.) as you go interpret life to your child and where possible interact with the world (like the good Samaritan) so that they can see a godly example.

• Bed Time: when you lie down, counsel your child by listening to their heart. Take this time to also pray with them.

• Morning Time: when you get up, are you spending time with God? Unless you model this dynamic for your family your children will never catch on. Explain to your kids, by words and example, that your quiet time sets the priorities for the rest of your day.

The Beautiful Crisis

Nathan Stam
Children/Comm. Pastor

I recently finished reading G.K. Chesterton’s introduction to the life of St. Francis of Assisi. I had always known a little bit about St. Francis; for instance I knew that he once said: “Preach the Gospel. If necessary, use words.” Or something along those lines. But I never knew much about his person and his place in history.

There were several passages of Chesterton’s that really struck me, but none more powerful than this description of Francis:

“He was a poet whose whole life was a poem…His whole course through life was a series of scenes in which he had a perpetual luck in bringing things to a beautiful crisis.”

A beautiful crisis. The crisis of the Gospel of Christ invading the darkness of the world. The inevitable conflict of the Love of God encountering humanism and materialism. The collision of the Grace of Jesus with poverty, injustice and pride.

Francis was all about living life outrageously and a love relationship with God. A poet whose whole life was a poem. As I think about my life and my relationship with Jesus and with others I can’t help but notice how often I play it safe—in my relationships, in my church, in my community—and I wonder how my life would change if my course in life was “bringing things to a beautiful crisis” for the sake of the Gospel. Jesus once said, “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life because of Me and the gospel will save it.”

Apex Baptist Church, are you up for living outrageously? Can you hear the call to follow hard after God? Chesterton goes on to write, “Through all his [Francis] plunging and restless days ran the refrain: I have not suffered enough; I have not sacrificed enough; I am not yet worthy even of the shadow of the crown of thorns. He wandered about the valleys of the world looking for the hill that has the outline of a skull.”

Here’s the challenge for you and me: May the refrain, or theme, of our lives be our desperate love for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. May we “hang on to reason by one invisible and indestructible hair” and yet spend our days as “ministers of reconciliation,” pleading with all creation on Christ’s behalf, “Be reconciled to God.”